Happiness doesn't have to be near by you

This thing is gonna have a lot of grammatical errors, well f that. Because I ain’t perfect and you do. 

I wanna tell you a story about a very much good friend of mine. Not that I want to specialize my best friend, but this one I want to tell you about is the most up and down friendship I’ve ever had. I almost lost her as my friend, but we managed to put the past in the past, and got back together. 

We met five years ago. She’s my classmate at college, and after that we became a housemate for almost 3 years. The eight of us (including me and her) are in the same circle from the beginning of our college. Four girls and four boys.  I have to admit that the friendship we had is the most real relationship I’ve ever had. We judge, mock, laugh with each other. Although, there’s no such thing as perfection, we manage to tolerate each other and I thank God for our ability to do that, especially me. 

She is my friend. My dear best friend. We fought and we made up and fought again. I really, really grew up because of her. When I looked back right now, there are so many memories I want to write here so that I won’t forget everything we had. I will always remember the fact that she is always there when I’m sick because I’m such a fussy when I get sick and I know that really well. Or, when we were fed up with our organization, and decided to ride at night didn’t know where to go. Or, when we watched movie together and talk about the plot, cinematography, acting, etc. Or, when we just talk about a bitch messing with our life. I will never ever forget that. 

I don’t know that these five years I’ve been blessed so much. To meet her and my circle, to be able to learn from them. To get the place I would run to when I can’t deal with home. Really, God, thank you for letting me having the friends that will always so very kind to me. 

I’m very aware that I’m not the perfect friend. I do make mistakes. We fought for so long till I wished to go away from her, but I couldn’t because I couldn’t bear to lose another friend. I won’t let that.

Until one day, I graduated, and most of us graduated and have to face reality that we can’t always be together talking bullshit about politics, philosophy, and movies anymore. We have to face reality which is a very sad thing because I have to face that feeling again. The feeling when people left you. 

You know how much I really want to go back there? The eight of us sitting at Tedjo editing movies or playing UNO. Or the two of us in that house just talk, talk, until we get tired. 

Maybe you guys still wondering why I write this. This is because, she is gonna leave Jogja tomorrow doesn’t know whether will come back or not. Which means that I would be alone because Naras has left Jogja too.. and.. I’m afraid.

I’m not being over dramatic. Aku pernah ditinggal sahabat baikku dengan cara baik-baik emang, tapi yang jelas ketika kita ketemu, rasanya udah beda, dan aku enggak mau kaya gitu keulang lagi. 

Mungkin aku lebay cuma ditinggal temen aja sampe kaya gini. Tapi bagiku kalian bukan cuma temen. Yang ada waktu aku lagi ada masalah ya kalian. Yang ngurusin aku waktu sakit dan kecelakaan ya kalian. Yang nasihatin aku soal family ya kalian. Terutama kamu. 

Terus besok aku kalo mau makan ngajak siapa lagi? Tahu sendiri kan aku kalo makan ya sama kalian. Coba inget-inget, mana pernah aku makan bareng sama yang lain kalo ngga sama kalian?

  

Yang tahu aku kayak gimana, yang bisa mentoleransi aku seperti apapun itu, ya kalian. Ya kamu.

Aku nggak pernah di posisi yang ninggalin. Aku selalu di posisi yang ditinggalin. Kayanya dosa aku banyak deh makanya I always end up like this. Apa aku pernah jahat ya sama seseorang? Aku pingin jadi baik. Aku lagi belajar.

Aku sedih –sesedihnya waktu temenku ini tiba-tiba bilang ngga mau di Jogja lagi. Aku pikir aku bakal masih punya temen at least the one I could talk to who really knows who I am, what kind of situation I have, what kind of family I have, tapi ternyata… manusia punya masalahnya masing-masing.

Aku sedih sih karena aku yang selalu hold on sama mereka sehingga ketika mereka pergi satu-satu aku ngga tau mau pegangan sama apa lagi. 

I’m so sad. 

Sorry reader for being so lebay over this thing. Some of you will understand, some of you won’t, and I get that. I WISH THE VERY BEST FOR ALL OF MY FRIENDS! If someday I have a chance to write about you guys, I would. Especially you, I learnt a lot from you. Really. Thank you for being my friend. Just so thank you for being there when I need you the most. You are a good man. You deserve the best. I really, really wish our relationship wouldn’t end like this. However, I respect your choice and I get that sometimes happiness doesn’t have to be nearby you.