Minggu, 12 November 2017

How I Began to Love Bigbang


I really want to write a story, but I don’t know what I want to write. I have a lot to tell, but the more I think about it. The more I don’t want to share because it would be cheesy stories outside.
                What should I write?

                What should I share with you?

                What if I write a story about me? Well, everything here is always about me. So……

                Recently, I fell for another genre of music, which is hip hop, and those who make me fell in love with that genre is the famous Korean boyband, Bigbang.
                I used to be very skeptical about kpop, or anything you call it, because they are dancing while they are singing and that makes me feel a bit strange, or may be too girly? Yeah, I think so. I did not know why I don’t like kpop back then. Well, I used to love it when I was in the 10th grade, but then I met western, and I forget about Korea like everything about it, except, Boys Before Flowers and Full House.
                I already know Bigbang at my 9th or 10th grade, I forget when exactly I know that boyband. The first song I encountered is Bad Boy. It’s good. I like it, and then the next song is Fantastic Baby which is a freaking badass song, and after that “puff” gone away. I mean me and my interest to Korean Pop.
                However, a month ago, I began to watch running man (Well, I know I’m late) and I laughed so hard. The show is freaking funny. I don’t expect to see something as funny as running man. Then, once in the morning, I watched an episode of bigbang in it, and I started to watch their videos on YouTube, and just like that, I fell in love with them.
                Their music is so different. I mean, I never expect myself to like that kind of genre, especially with a lot of rap in it, I really can’t rap, but when TOP and G-Dragon did that, it’s awesome. I really hate a western song with something that featured with a rapper, because it stops me to sing their song, but with bigbang, I love the rap so much. I even want to learn Korean so that I can sing the song in the right pronunciation.
                As always, once I like something, I began to obsess with it. So, I read articles, watch videos, anything with bigbang in it. I began to know the members, their persona in front of the TV (whether it is real or not). At first, I like GD, because he is great. He sings, raps, dances very beautifully great! His fashion is also great, no kidding. But, then, I met you, TOP. I know, it’s like every V.I.P, I mean most of them, they take GD or TOP as their bias. So cliché. However, I like TOP, not because he is the tallest (I’m not tall anyway), not because he is handsome, but because of his voice and his persona. I like to say it persona, because I know him from what I watch, not what I learn or encounter. If I am his friend or anything that close to him, I’ll call it personality or characteristic, but I only watch what I see and make a judgment from it, so it won’t be fair to feel like I know him because the truth is I don’t. Back to the topic, I love T.O.P because he makes me like the rap part in a song. He makes the rap live like really helpful for the song. When he raps, it’s just good. I even like his rap song, Turn it Up and Doom Dada (You have to know that I hate Blessed by Kanye and his friends) I know I can’t sing it, but the song, keeps me on fire. Also, his persona, he acts very silly in front of the camera, so different from what I expected.
                You have to know that it is easy to find all about Korean artist in the internet. What they like, what they don’t like. Everything is an open source. It’s different from all those Hollywood stars that I love like Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Andrew Garfield (especially him). Those variety shows, those questions, in Hollywood, it’s kind of rude to ask something private. So, it’s very hard to know what they like, what they always do, and so on, except if you’re a Kadarshian. However, in Korea, fans are very important for them, so they kind of make what is called by a fan service. It’s important not to make the fans mad. It’s very different from Hollywood, right? I mean, look at Justin Bieber, and Shia LaBeouf, and even Andrew Garfield. They don’t like to give up their privacy just for the fans. I respect it. I also don’t like it when people want to know everything about me, stalking me, ugh. The paparazzi in Hollywood is the worst. They ask offensive question, and it’s just disrespectful.
                In Korea, there are a lot of variety shows which allow you to know deeper (whether they tell the truth or not) about the stars. I like it. I watch so many variety shows about bigbang, and it’s so genuine. Feels very genuine I mean. As one of their fans, I feel very happy. I want all of the stars to know that sometimes, even their giggles already made their fans happy all day long. I’m not the type of those judgy fans. I don’t like to be judged, so I won’t do it to anyone. So, everything my idols done, I’ll support it as long as it makes them happy and healthy.
                Bigbang is having a hiatus right now. Taeyang and GD are having their solo (it ends by now), and Seungri is busy with his business, Daesung, well, I don’t know about him because he doesn’t have instagram or even twitter, and TOP, I wish he is well. I’m so sad that I began to like bigbang when they are facing their long hiatus. TOP should be on his military service, but his scandal… ugh I don’t want to talk about it. He stops posting on instagram which is sad for me. He just posted once on his instagram feed after that scandal, but then deleted it three minutes later. I hate it so much that I have to wait another three or maybe four years to see them together L In fact, I’m afraid that they’ll never get back together. It makes me think that I’m late. I’m so late.

I hope you are all okay, Oppa.

Don’t forget to come back.

T.O.P just so you know, you’re my sunshine, my only sunshine, so please don’t stop shining on those people who loves you. We love you. I, especially, love you.
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Jumat, 03 November 2017

[a poem] Unreachable

Do you know what you mean to me?

You are like the sun for me

Every time when I see the sun, I feel so happy

Even the light makes my mood up by fast



It’s the same like what your gorgeous face do to me

And how your voice make feel me

It suns my life and make me stop being grumpy

I wish you know how much I want it to last


However, just like the sun, you’re unreachable

Just like the sun, you’re impossible

You’re the one, just like the sun

And just like the sun, I’ll never want it to be done

 
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Senin, 23 Oktober 2017

Better That We Break

Have you ever run from something which makes you sad all the time? Have you ever wanted something which is not destined for you to have? What if something that you really want is the thing that makes you sad? What would you do?
Well, me. I have that kind of experience. This story might break your heart, or mine over and over. But I’d rather face it than living the dream.
***
“This is a joke, right? He’s not coming here. It’s 5 already. Maybe I should go home, but… Well, I think 10 more minutes.”
            Ten minutes of torture began. Stupid me! I tried to keep calm as I pretended that I did not do something in vain. Besides, he always comes. That is a part of our promise. I looked at the sky to distract my mind of him, but that only made me think more about him. I began to bite my nails, feeling insecure. Then, I took a deep breath and counted to ten.
            When I opened my eyes, “oh… I guess he is busy.” I stood up, and looked back.
            He smiled flawlessly near a tree. He waved his hands. Just perfect like an angel. My heart sunk.
            “You? How long you’ve been there?” I asked a bit angrily to him.
            “Ummm… 20 minutes ago I guess.” He grinned and walked toward the bench.
            “What? You make me wait for 20 minutes?”
            He laughed and said, “It’s fun to see you act like that.”
            “I am not acting.” Then, I sat again and made a duck face.
            “Don’t be mad. Next time I won’t do it. I promise. This is the first and the last.”
            “I thought you won’t come.”
            “No way! I never break a single promise, and coming here is part of my promise. If I can’t come, I will tell you.”
            “I know.”
            He smiled and said, “That’s my Lissy! Little sister!” Then, stroke my hair.
            That is right. Apparently, I will always be his little sister. There is no chance for me to be anything better than that. I am always going to wait, listen to nothing to say. Eyes and ears are for him, but not the heart.
            We have been friends for about three years. Our friendship is very special since he is not only acting as my friends, but also as my guardian angel. That is true. No exaggeration.
Our first meeting was at high school. A girl (I’m not supposed to call her my friend) and an (now) ex friend bullied me in front of other friends. She accused me of saying something bad about her, and using my (now) ex friend to sort of defend her. It was two against one, and I am still a junior back then. I cried. That was really embarrassing. However, he came. He was a sophomore at that time, so he was older than the girl and my (now) ex friend.
            “I don’t know what is happening here, but I now see a girl is crying, and I don’t like that.” he came from behind of me and said that to them.
            “It’s none of your business.” said the girl.
            “It is my business since there’s a boy acting cowardly in the middle of you girls.”
            “What did you say?” my (now) ex friend said.
            “I’ll make sure you’ll regret it if you two mess with this girl again. Let’s go!” he grabbed my hand and pulled me away from them. I looked at his tall body and his black short wavy hair. I am sure that every girl will fall for what just happened with me. No kidding, he is so, I don’t know the best word to say it, but he is the person God choose for me to be my protector. A superhero? Yes, my superhero.
            He smiled at me and that felt very warm inside my heart. It felt like the butterflies in my stomach were moving when he did that. I am sure that time my face was looking very bad, and my ugly curly hair was not even tidy. I bet that was why he smiled.
            From that time, we became good friends to each other. I am obviously in love with him, but not for him. I always get to watch his back with another girl. That is frustrating to be the only one having this kind of feeling, but yeah, that is okay as long as he is happy.
            Okay, I admit. It is hard. It is a very bullshit thing when you said that you will do everything for someone you love as long as he/she is happy. It hurts so much till it is hard to even just breathe properly. It feels like my heart is torn apart every time he posts something with his girlfriend. But, what can I do? I can’t just go away, or even confess my feeling. Both of the choices are killing me. It is fine to just shut up and go on.
            After he graduated, he promised to see me once in every month every afternoon at the park near the school. My favorite place. He had to move to Los Angeles to pursue his education in the UCLA. Me? I am waiting and will always be at Phoenix, our hometown. It has been six months, and he always keeps his promise. I know it will not last forever. He will give up someday, and whether I am ready or not, that I wouldn’t know.
            People said that it is hard to maintain a long distance relationship, but for a long distance friendship… it is not that hard. I mean, you don’t have to call your friend everyday right? Well, he called me every week for 10-15 minutes. Mostly he talked about his day and his girlfriend. They are having a real long distance relationship, and he always complains about that. He said that it’s hard. Yeah it is.
            “You look skinnier. Did you eat well?” asked him breaking the silence between us.
            “Uh? Do I look skinnier? I don’t think so. I eat very well.” I lied.
            “Don’t lie. What’s the matter with you?”
            “Nothing. Why did you ask that kind of question?”
            “You never eat well when you got something that bothers your mind. It’s like your appetite disappear “puff” just like that.” he made a disappearance gesture with his hands.
            “Oh, really? I don’t realize that.” I grinned.
            “Hey..” he touched my chin and moved it towards him and said, “Tell me!”
            My heart skipped a beat. I tried not to look directly into his eyes. “Should I tell him? Yes! It’s time! I have to tell him.” I told myself to calm me down.
            I looked away from him and took a deep breath. After that, I stared at him and tried to spill a word, but my tongue felt sort of bitterness. I cleared my throat and said, “Sean, I think that it’s better for us not to see each other anymore.”
            I saw his smile disappeared. “What? What do you mean?”
            “I think we should stop being friends.”
            “What are you saying? I don’t understand. Why? Did I do something wrong?”
            “Maybe we better off this way, Sean.”
            “Can you please tell me the reason on why you act like this?” he began frustrated.
            I looked at the blue sky and it short of told me that my life was going to be that blue. However, I had to do it. I could not be this stupid girl who wants a werewolf to imprint on her and hoping that he will love her for the rest of her life. I do not even have the right to just dream about it. I had to let him go.
            “You and I, we look at the same sky and breathe the same air, but you know what? I think it’s time for you to live your live and I’ll live mine.” My tears dropped. I saw he opened his mouth to ask me another question, but I stopped him and said, “Sean, from the first moment I saw you, that day when you help me from the biggest embarrassment in my life, my heart fall for you. Everything about you. Your smile, your voice, your tall body, even your silly black wavy hair. They are all my favorite. But you never felt the same way. And that hurts, Sean. It hurts so much, till it is hard to just… to just think that I am sane. It becomes harder every day, and that makes me not fine.”
            “Elizabeth…I…”
            “It’s not for you to decide what I am going to do. Don’t even talk right now, because I am afraid that even your voice might change my mind. So please, just hear what I say. Sean, I always wonder why you won’t look at me. Why there’s always other woman. It makes me think that I am not good enough. It makes me sad. So freaking sad. If only you would know how sad I am every week when I heard your story about this other woman, that other woman. I can’t do that anymore, Sean. I am done. It is better off for us to stop being friends, because at the first place I can’t do it. I can’t be your friend because I’m in love with you. Very madly deeply in love with you.”
            I stopped talking because I began to cry very hard. Sean looked at me, but could not say any word. I guess he never expect I would say that kind of thing to him. But then, he turned his back and said, “Go on, cry at my shoulder.” I hugged him and began to cry as hard as I could. “I am so stupid, Sean. I should not love you like this. I should not have this kind of feeling. I should have known that you’re too good to come true. Now, I have to let you go, and it makes me even sadder.”
            He turned his back, hugged me, and stroke my hair. “Are you done? Can I say something right now?”
            “No.”
            “Lizzy…”
            “No, don’t say a thing. Don’t say anything, Sean. It’ll make me worse.”
            “Lizzy, I’ll do whatever makes you happy. So, if going apart from me makes you happy, then I’ll do it. I am sorry for making you feel this awful thing. I am very sorry. It was a very great time to have you always listens to my story. You should know that it breaks my heart too, Lizzy. But I can’t let you be sad like this just because of me. I am not worth it. I know you don’t want to hear any word from me because whatever I say will only make you sad. I am sorry. If you think that it’s better for us to break, then it is. It’s not just you that have to let go of something. Me too. I’ll let you go, Lizzy.” He hugged me tighter.
***
That time, I knew that it’s over between us. Having him is a dream come true, but the truth is, a dream will always be a dream. I can’t have something which is too good to be true because that would be a fantasy. And a fantasy does not exist in the real world. The best thing to do is to realize and live through the reality. I am not running from something, but I am living the truth. The fate I have to live. Not being with him.
***
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Jumat, 09 Juni 2017

End Song Credit of Everybody Wants Some!! Lyrics



Kenny Roper:
I'm Rope a Dope
A proud Cherokee
I stay busy chopping girls' cherry trees
I'll show you my buns if the booze is free
Hands on the wheel
and fondue my cheese
Hey, ladies
please pass me another
I'm not a rubber lover glover
I don't need no love buffer
I'ma do like Pete Ward
and go undercover
Make a sister leave a brother
We goin' make a little trouble

Glen McReynolds:
(EXHALES)
You're the new guy?

Dale Douglas:
Dale Douglas!
Flier than a Cutlass Supreme
Southeast Texas Cherokees
We the team
Finn, me, and Coma
We got Mac in between
Number one position players
Make these girls wanna scream
Wakin ' up in a dream
Lucid so sweet
We make you toothless
To put it plain and simple
We the cream of the crop
Cherokees are never leavin '
the top... Douglas

Charlie Willoughby:
My name is Willoughby
I know the master plan
I got the sun and the stars
In the palm of my hand
Carl Sagan knows the universe is eternal
I'm gonna burn this down
till my brain's a kernel

Finnegan:
Dr. Finnegan, so epicurean
Indulge in the BMOC
There's only one thing bigger than my IQ
And it stops around my knee
Let me drop a Finnegism 
and make a Finnegasm
Expand the universe
Make it shudder and spasm
'Cause when you party like a savage
Speak like a poet
You cha-chao
before you even know it

Alex Brumley:
Hey, guys
The name's Alex Brumley
I'm gonna break it to you fresh
All the guys around here punch me
'Cause they know that I'm the best
It's my first days of college
I'm just trying to fit in
So won't you come with me
and please be my friend?
- Please?

Nesbit:
- Brumley, shut the fuck up!
Now, I'm Nesbit
No shame with no game
I'm throwing money down the drain  like no thing
The best in a-gambling
Nesbit's a-rambling
Submarine pitch
And the Mac can't handle it
Cherokee chow Coo-coo-capow
in Texas With the cactus and cows
Amityville? More like Amity-vile 
Sick to the bone
but we come with style

Coma:
So they call me Coma
Told the girl "hop on"
Throwing cheers to my boys
'Cause I'm a superstitious fella
Known to get a little drunk
But I'm here to make some noise

Jay Niles:
Master plan for a higher man
Do it all wrong
Don't fuck it up  to make it all right
Drink my cup
Schlon as long as the Nile's bong
Hit it, bitch, I'm 95 strong
I'm the raw dog 
 Rawest of raw
Four screwdrivers
One fat straw, baby!

Tyrone Plummer:
My name's Tyrone
but they call me Plum
I call the whole game
but they call me dumb
Beer for breakfast
My Cap'n Crunch
Spread your girl's legs
and then I have lunch

Billy Autrey aka Beuter Perkins:
Well, hey, oh, hey
This will make your day
Boy, they call me Billy A
I like to chew and a-spit
And throw a ball a little bit
Boy, you better stay out of my way

Jake Bradford:
Enough with that, Jake here
Just a chill dude
I'll sweep you off your feet
No need to be crude
If I sense any question
I'll put you to the test
If it's a crime to be sexy
then you're under arrest

- You talkin' to me?
- No, can't you see?
-Well, who you talking to?
-Uh, dude, not you
Billy Autrey aka Beuter Perkins:
Well, okay, dude, you kinda rude
I ain 't really a fan of that attitude

Jake Bradford:
As I was saying before Billy interrupted
We just having good times, baby
Nothing too corrupted
If you need a little insight on who I am
Let me break it down for you
right now with my jam 
Unlike Finn I don't drop to the knee
'Cause I got a bigger secret
I drop to my feet
I'm the kinda guy
that'll meet you after class
Take pride in my pitching
Like Rope and his ass
Now, come over here
with those luscious thighs
I'll make you feel loved
while Willy's getting high



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