Mom always tells me that it is okay to be different, but apparently, the world says the opposite. From what I have experienced, the world expects conformity. And that’s when I think that my mom is a total liar. Oh, you must think that I am an ungrateful child, but keep the judgment to yourself until you have so many freckles on your face and your friends start to call you an alien because you are different!
“Lizzie! Dinner’s ready! Come on down, Honey.”
Got to go right now. Dinner’s ready. Write letter.
I closed my book and went straight downstairs. When I got to the kitchen, I saw her smile and I smiled back. I took the chair and eat. There was a silence between us. It’s just me and my mom. Father? Never heard of him.
I heard mom cleared her throat and said, “How’s your day, Liz?”
“Awful.”
“What happened?”
“Mom, can we talk about something else, please?”
I looked at my watch. It’s already 6.45 am. I went upstairs and knocked the door.
“Lizzie, honey, what are you doing? We’ll be late. Come on!” I said nicely to her.
I heard the steps. She opened the door and said, “Mom, is it okay to skip the class today?”
I took a deep breath, squatted in front of her, patted her hair and said, “Why? What happen? Are you sick?”
“No. I just don’t want to go to school.”
“Is it about your friends again? They called you freak again? Honey, what did I always say? You are unique, and being unique is good. To be different is a good thing. You don’t need to mind what they say. You have to be confident, Lizzie.”
She scrolled her eyes, took her bag and put on her shoes. I walked her down to school because our home was only a couple of blocks from the school. We usually hold hands and sing all the way to school, but not today. She shut her mouth and so did I.
When we reached the school, I told her to come in and be a good girl. I gave her lunch box and hugged her. She kept looking down the road and went straight in.
I sat at the back corner of the class. I looked down so I won’t see their face. They looked at me as I am a joke, as whole my body is something to be laughed at, especially my face. I didn’t understand why they would not stop picking at me. I never did anything bad to them, but why were they always do the opposite? Oh crap! I heard steps. Someone’s approaching me. Oh, please, please, God.
“Hey, what is that on your face? Oh! Disgusting! What are you?” he laughed at me.
“Leave me alone!”
“Oh, the alien is angry! Guys, alien can get angry! Watch out!” now the whole class laughed at me.
I snapped and yelled, “What is it with you people? What is your problem?”
“Our problem is that you are ugly! You’re the ugliest person I’ve ever seen!” still they laughed at me. I ran outside the class. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I hid in the toilet for a whole day of school. When the bell rang, I ran straight home. I slammed the door, I went upstairs, locked the door, and I cried so hard. What am I supposed to do? Should I hate my own self because I am ugly? Did I deserve this?
I was knitting a scarf when I heard somebody slammed the door. My little girl rushed into her room, slammed the door again and started to cry. That sound made my heart torn apart. What now? What else can I do?
“Sweetheart, what happened? Are you okay?” I said after I knocked the door.
“Just leave me alone, Mom!” I heard she yelled at me.
“No, Honey. Open the door, please. You can talk to me.”
“They called me ugly, Mom. They told me that I’m the ugliest person alive!!!” my tears dropped when I heard that. How could they say such a cruel thing to her?
“No, you’re not, Lizzie. Lizzie, listen to me. You are not ugly. Those freckles are gifted. You are unique, Honey. It makes you who you are. You can’t be ashamed of what you have.”
“You don’t understand, Mom! You don’t feel what I feel. You’re not there! You will say different things to me when you have this kind of disgusting freckles with no friend backing you up at school, with those people judging by what you are!! You lied to me, Mom! You said that it is okay to be different, then why are they always mocking me?!”
I was quiet for a moment. So, that was what my daughter thought about me. I could not say another word to her. I did not know what to say. I went to my room instead. This was my fault. If only she had a figure of a father to make her strong, this would not happen.
When I opened my eyes, the sun was already up. My head hurts. My eyes were swollen as big as golf balls. I did not remember when I fell asleep last night. The only thing I could remember was the pain. It made me want to go back to sleep again because that was the time when I could not feel anything. That was the time where everything was being forgotten.
I heard Mom knocked the door, but I froze. I kept laying at my bedroom, still unwilling to hear another word from her.
“I know you’re mad at me, Lizzie. I am sorry. Mom just wants to talk to you. Please open the door.”
I looked at the door for a minute thinking what I should say to her. After deciding what I want to say, I walked to the door and opened it. I said, “It’s okay, Mom. It’s not your fault. I know I am unique…...” I stopped talking. I did not know what to say. After such a long pause, I finally said, “Mom….what….”
She smiled at me. Her eyes were swollen too. I bet she cried all night just like I did. She squatted and then said, “I am sorry, Lizzie. I know I am not a good mom. I just say what I am supposed to say. I am not doing what I am supposed to do. Therefore, I am so sorry, Lizzie. Mom is very sorry.”
“What did you do to your face, Mom?” I asked. She drew so many freckles on her face. She made it just like mine.
“From now on, you don’t get to feel that you’re doing this alone. We… will get through this, Sweetheart. If you think that these freckles are punishment, then I shall be with you having these things together. But you should know that these are not ugly things. No matter what hateful things people said about your face, you should know that this makes you… you. You don’t have to be afraid anymore because I want you to know that I will always be here with you. You have me, and you can tell everything to me. I will be your mom, your best friend, and even your father. I will be all the things that you want. You just have to tell me.”
I hugged her so tight. I did not know how long we hugged each other. I cried and then I said that I was sorry for being so ungrateful. We went to school together. Still, my freckles would not go away, but I didn’t care anymore. I realized that people have their own flaws, and that did not make you less worth in this world. I remember my mom saying, “There is no such thing as perfection. The idea of perfection is in people’s mind. They may expect you to be somebody they want, but that does not mean that you have to be what they want.”
