Maybe I’ll regret it once I read it again online, but I really
need to write this down, so I can let this go. So I’m sorry if I’m being too
emotional. I just want to let this thing go.
It’s coming back again. My anxiety. It tries to kill me
again. Idk what happened. It blurts out of nowhere.
I don’t know that a man can be this sad till he wishes to
die instead. The thing is, I don’t know what exactly that causing this sadness.
All I know is that I’m sad like almost all the time, and I won’t eat and sleep
properly, and I will have a very bad day.
I cried. It helps, a bit. However, I don’t know how to face
it. I can’t figure it out. Feels like I’m drowning in this anxiety sea, which
dragging me down to the very last basis.
I once force myself not to look at friend’s ig stories so I
won’t get stressed. It helps. I felt better, and then I tried to open them
again, and here I am finding me drowning in the flood can’t hold the stream. So
I have to start it all again, pushing me not to open those toxic things. I even
thinking not to use social media anymore cuz it really, really breaks me more
when I already this broken.
You know what? To feel like you’re not good enough for
anything like anything in this world, is the most terrible feeling ever. I
really wish I could hold on to someone so I could hang on. I told myself every
time to hang on, but I don’t know how and I end up letting myself to do this,
drowning in sadness.
This poem could sum up what I’m feeling right now.
Aneurysm
I know now a monster
Which lives inside me maybe forever
Oh… or maybe it’s a lover
Who really knows me whatsoever
I just say hi to it
Trying to know each other well
It sticks to me like a knit
Not even planning a farewell
It calls it anxiety
However, Aneurysm I prefer to call
It says that it’s a buddy
But it gets bigger till I start to fall
Anxiety which kills me slowly
Aneurysm which is ready to pop entirely
Seems my soul was taken away
Feels I’m dead already
O, think I need a brain surgeon
No, it tells it needs only me
K, but still a doctor sounds urgent
Yes, that one should be me